July 30, 2003 08:32 PM

Just finished reading Watchmen by comicbook genius and freaky mystic Alan Moore. Life changing experience. Am considering changing name to Rorschach.

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July 9, 2003 06:12 PM

From an internet message board:

JOURNING

DO ANYONE HERE FINE IT HARD TO JOURNAL. I HAVE A 3YR OLD THAT KEEPS ME VERY BUSY. AND I FEEL I DON'T HAVE TIME.

I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME.

Except, of course, spell, conjugate or punctuate.

I totally can't claim credit for that punchline . . . someone else thought it up. But I'm going to leave my sources secret to protect the innocent . . . and the guilty.

And then there is the message thread entitled "Homeschooling Mom's." For the record, I fully support legislation that would require that anyone intending to homeschool his or her children be forced to prove to authorities beyond a shadow of a doubt that they know how to use the apostrophe correctly.

But where there is idiocy, there is also sublime genius:

i have bought yard art as a wedding gift because sometimes i honestly cannot control how totally obnoxious i am.

i bought (thru the SkyMall catalogue) a pair of geese that came with matching outfits for almost every major holiday.

When I lie down at night and think over my life and where I have erred, I often think that god will forgive me nearly everything, but probably not that.

My secret source asked my professional opinion as a minister . . . would God forgive this woman for giving yard geese as a wedding present?

I responded that there is a high degree of probability that this woman actually IS God.

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July 6, 2003 12:04 PM

So I'm having one of those phases . . . we all have them. I sit down to write here, and I say to myself, "Why the hell do I do this?"

I mean, on an intellectual level, I could rattle off eighteen reasons why I blog and why it's a good thing. But where the rubber hits the road, in the day-to-day of it, the time, the creative energy, the self-imposed guilt when I don't update as much as I feel like I should . . . what's in it for me?

When I started, over a year ago, it was a lot about finding myself. The voice of William Ted was a very true part of me - several true parts of me, I guess - that didn't have other avenues of expression in my life. But, mission accomplished, I guess. Whatever it was exactly that I needed to come to terms with, I've come to terms with it. William Ted is no longer the bastard stepchild of my wounded psyche. He's the badass superstar of my so-called life. The "me" that no one knew about . . . that I barely even knew . . . is now the me that everyone gets to see.

It's almost a classic case of someone (this blog, for example) performing so well that it works itself right out of a job.

So now what?

There's definitely a social aspect to this. I LOVE the people I've met through this blog.

But as we all find, the beautiful thing about these friendships is that they exist "beyond the blog." The blogs are a great way to connect, to learn about each other. But the REAL connection happens "offline" . . . by e-mail, by phone, in person. I realize, having done this now for over a year, that I could probably still pursue and enjoy the friendships, enjoy being part of the community, without all the work of having my own blog.

This blog has always been a technical victory for me. When I started it, I knew nothing. And in this information age, it felt like I had learned the secrets of the gods when I found I could actually create a website by myself. I'm still incredibly self-satisfied with the current design of Sunshine Day, my first original design ever.

But now that I've proved to myself that I'm capable of the technical stuff . . . it again feels like "mission accomplished." Kind of a dead-end. A worthwhile dead-end, but a dead-end nonetheless. Web/tech stuff is fun, but just not my favorite thing to do. I had something to prove to myself, and I proved it.

So where to go from here? I could quit. But I don't really want to. Just because I don't know WHY I'm doing this any more, doesn't mean that I don't want to do it . . . if that makes any sense at all.

I just need to re-purpose, re-focus . . . find a new excuse for doing this funny thing that some of us seem compelled to do. I'll try different things, I'll explore new territory. Maybe there will be more blogs involved. An online fiction serial. A current events blog . . . seen from a psychic point af view. A group blog, maybe?

Who knows if any of these things will come to pass. Who knows if one day I'll just fold up this little digital tent and wander off into the sunset. But all we can do in any case is wake up each day and see what happens, right?

So, I want to hear from all of you . . . here, or at your own site. I know some of you have reached similar "existential blog crises." What keeps you motivated to continually write, link-surf, re-design, maintain, explore, express, and generally pursue this eccentric brand of digital nudity called blogging?

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