It's a NEW Day!!

June 20, 2004 09:45 PM

Moods are funny things. They're like internal weather . . . somewhat predictable, but never 100%. You may have some sense of which direction your moods are heading, but all the complex contributing forces - your emotional high and low pressure systems, the gulf streams of habit and memory, the fluctuations in your psychological temperature and stress pressure levels - well, they mean that there are always surprises in store.

I think we tend to trivialize moods. We dismiss whole complexes of emotions by saying, "Oh, you're just in a bad mood." Someone who is considered "moody," or subject to "mood swings" is not someone who is typically respected or trusted.

And yet . . . aren't we all "moody," really? The difference from person to person is not so much how unpredictable or intense the moods are (although I'm sure there is some variation in this area), but how much a person "lets on" when moods change . . . how much they express their moods, as opposed to showing the world an unchanging, moodless mask.

I don't know if everyone is like this, but I find whole stretches of time in my life where I feel like I'm not supposed to have moods. Most jobs, for example, require a kind of consistency of focus that doesn't really accomodate major mood swings.

But work isn't the only place where moods seem unwelcome. What if you've paid a lot of money to take a vacation trip? Aren't you kind of obligated to be in a good mood? What if you have tickets to a show or event? Plans with friends? Out of town visitors? All of these things are planned in advance, when you have no idea what your actual mood is going to be. These all seem to be occasions where we are expected to disregard our actual mood and just act like we're having fun no matter what.

Of course, other people maybe don't have this problem as much as I do. One thing I've been learning, since the panic attacks started in December, is that I seem to have a higher degree of sensitivity to physical and emotional fluctuations than many people. Natural changes in my body and my feelings, of the kind that most people hardly even notice, can drive me into a full-fledged, nauseous, dizzy, fight-or-flight panic. So maybe other people don't worry so much about being in a bad mood on vacation, because maybe it doesn't make much of a difference to them.

But really . . . I mean, even apart from my personal level of sensitivity, don't moods pretty much determine our reality? I mean, my experience of whatever happens "out there" in the world is filtered through whatever my current mood is. If I'm feeling good, everything that happens has something good about it. If I'm feeling bad, everything that happens has something bad about it.

So if we don't express our moods, if we don't give others a window into the way we are experiencing reality, how is anyone ever supposed to understand or connect with us? Putting a lid on the honest expression of moods seems to be a sure-fire road to isolation and alienation.

And worse . . . what if we get so good at cloaking our moods that we convince ourselves that there's really "nothing going on" in there?

Alienation from the self seems to me to be a far worse consequence than being considered "moody."

TRACKBACK (53)


	June 20, 2004 09:45 PM Moods are funny things. They're like internal weather . . . somewhat predictable, but never 100%. You may have some sense of which direction your moods are heading, but all the complex contributing forces - your emotional high and low pressure systems, the gulf streams of habit and memory, the fluctuations in your psychological temperature and stress pressure levels - well, they mean that there are always surprises in store. I think we tend to trivialize moods. We dismiss whole complexes of emotions by saying, "Oh, you're just in a bad mood." Someone who is considered "moody," or subject to "mood swings" is not someone who is typically respected or trusted. And yet . . . aren't we all "moody," really? The difference from person to person is not so much how unpredictable or intense the moods are (although I'm sure there is some variation in this area), but how much a person "lets on" when moods change . . . how much they express their moods, as opposed to showing the world an unchanging, moodless mask. I don't know if everyone is like this, but I find whole stretches of time in my life where I feel like I'm not supposed to have moods. Most jobs, for example, require a kind of consistency of focus that doesn't really accomodate major mood swings. But work isn't the only place where moods seem unwelcome. What if you've paid a lot of money to take a vacation trip? Aren't you kind of obligated to be in a good mood? What if you have tickets to a show or event? Plans with friends? Out of town visitors? All of these things are planned in advance, when you have no idea what your actual mood is going to be. These all seem to be occasions where we are expected to disregard our actual mood and just act like we're having fun no matter what. Of course, other people maybe don't have this problem as much as I do. One thing I've been learning, since the panic attacks started in December, is that I seem to have a higher degree of sensitivity to physical and emotional fluctuations than many people. Natural changes in my body and my feelings, of the kind that most people hardly even notice, can drive me into a full-fledged, nauseous, dizzy, fight-or-flight panic. So maybe other people don't worry so much about being in a bad mood on vacation, because maybe it doesn't make much of a difference to them. But really . . . I mean, even apart from my personal level of sensitivity, don't moods pretty much determine our reality? I mean, my experience of whatever happens "out there" in the world is filtered through whatever my current mood is. If I'm feeling good, everything that happens has something good about it. If I'm feeling bad, everything that happens has something bad about it. So if we don't express our moods, if we don't give others a window into the way we are experiencing reality, how is anyone ever supposed to understand or connect with us? Putting a lid on the honest expression of moods seems to be a sure-fire road to isolation and alienation. And worse . . . what if we get so good at cloaking our moods that we convince ourselves that there's really "nothing going on" in there? Alienation from the self seems to me to be a far worse consequence than being considered "moody." TRACKBACK (53)		Your Words