June 21, 2003 05:38 PM

It's really odd . . . I'm having a great time with life right now. But I'm feeling really different the last few weeks. I think I feel something like a caterpillar in a cocoon. And I have no clue what kind of butterfly I'm going to turn out to be.

Things that usually turn me on are leaving me cold. Performing, for example. Usually I LIVE for it when I'm doing it. I certainly still enjoy it. But it doesn't feel like the brightest star in my universe these days. Other things are bringing me far more pleasure. Like reading comic books. Looking forward to the new Harry Potter. Hangin' with my husband during his free summer hours. Sitting still for hours, listening to the secrets my body has to tell me about my life and the universe. I've been doing that a lot lately.

I'm on a virtual TV fast. My TiVo told me the other day that it feels so neglected, it thinks maybe we should try relationship therapy. It helps that everything's in re-runs, but even aside from that . . . I just don't feel the desire.

And I haven't had much desire to write, either.

I'm reading blogs like crazy . . . with my handheld, I feel more connected to people in cyberspace than I have for months. But it's like I'm reading while kickin' it in an easy chair, all blissed out. All my comments get reduced to a simple, almost non-verbal, "Yeah . . . yeah."

I know that a lack of interest in usually enjoyable activities can be a sign of depression, but I'm really experiencing the opposite . . . a kind of anti-depression, a euphoria.

I used to have to work for this feeling. Now it's just . . . there. Instead of having to chase it, I find it stalking me . . . clinging to me . . . enveloping me.

I like it.

Stay tuned to see what color my wings turn out to be . . .

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