It's a NEW Day!!

June 10, 2003 10:27 PM

I going through one of those . . . phases . . .

"Hello, WT . . ."
"Yes, who is it?"
"It's your True Self."
"Oh, hi. Wassup?"
"Just wanted to let you know . . . I've been meaning to tell you something for a while, and I didn't know how to say it politely."
"Come on. We've known each other a long time. Just spill it."
"You're kind of a control freak sometimes."
"Oh."
I know that's hard to hear, especially coming from me. But I'm just saying . . . loosen up a little.

There are parts of my life where I often feel "out of control." No matter how much I make, I never feel in control of money. It always seems to be running away from me at a disasterous pace.

I feel like my appearance is not within my control. The shape of my body, the eccentricity of my face, the recurring acne. Most of the time I act like I don't care. But I do.

Other people intrude on my life. At work. On the street. On the news. They waylay me from that path I want to travel. They distract me from my purpose and they drain my resources. And I can't seem nto control them. (Though I have been known to try.)

That's why I think I like having this blog so much. It is entirely within my control. Nothing happens here that I don't want to happen. The people that comment here are people that I want to hear from. And on the off chance that someone unwanted should intrude here, I have the power to delete them from this corner of the universe as if they never existed.

There are other parts of my life where I feel "in control," too.

And yet . . . this whole dichotomy . . . in control / out of control . . . it's an illusion, really, isn't it?

*****

How did I get so detached from my own emotions? That's what I want to know. I want to be closer to them, because they are such great teachers.

Emotions are never in control. And they are never out of control. They have their own wisdom . . . a wisdom you may not understand, but an effective wisdom at that.

Each emotion has a purpose, a destination. Any concept we might have of being "in control" of our emotions is an illusion. We have a very small amount of authority over what path the raw energy of the emotion takes. Do we punch someone, or burst out in tears on the street, or scream, or laugh, or reach out and caress? We have some control over these things.

I read somewhere that people with Tourette's Syndrome have a certain measure of control over their involuntary outbursts and behavioral tics. In some circumstances, they can suppress them. But at the cost of a great amount of physical and psychological pain (migraines, anxiety attacks, etc.)

And I ask . . . how are any of us any different?

TRACKBACK (55)


	June 10, 2003 10:27 PM I going through one of those . . . phases . . . "Hello, WT . . ." "Yes, who is it?" "It's your True Self." "Oh, hi. Wassup?" "Just wanted to let you know . . . I've been meaning to tell you something for a while, and I didn't know how to say it politely." "Come on. We've known each other a long time. Just spill it." "You're kind of a control freak sometimes." "Oh." I know that's hard to hear, especially coming from me. But I'm just saying . . . loosen up a little. There are parts of my life where I often feel "out of control." No matter how much I make, I never feel in control of money. It always seems to be running away from me at a disasterous pace. I feel like my appearance is not within my control. The shape of my body, the eccentricity of my face, the recurring acne. Most of the time I act like I don't care. But I do. Other people intrude on my life. At work. On the street. On the news. They waylay me from that path I want to travel. They distract me from my purpose and they drain my resources. And I can't seem nto control them. (Though I have been known to try.) That's why I think I like having this blog so much. It is entirely within my control. Nothing happens here that I don't want to happen. The people that comment here are people that I want to hear from. And on the off chance that someone unwanted should intrude here, I have the power to delete them from this corner of the universe as if they never existed. There are other parts of my life where I feel "in control," too. And yet . . . this whole dichotomy . . . in control / out of control . . . it's an illusion, really, isn't it? ***** How did I get so detached from my own emotions? That's what I want to know. I want to be closer to them, because they are such great teachers. Emotions are never in control. And they are never out of control. They have their own wisdom . . . a wisdom you may not understand, but an effective wisdom at that. Each emotion has a purpose, a destination. Any concept we might have of being "in control" of our emotions is an illusion. We have a very small amount of authority over what path the raw energy of the emotion takes. Do we punch someone, or burst out in tears on the street, or scream, or laugh, or reach out and caress? We have some control over these things. I read somewhere that people with Tourette's Syndrome have a certain measure of control over their involuntary outbursts and behavioral tics. In some circumstances, they can suppress them. But at the cost of a great amount of physical and psychological pain (migraines, anxiety attacks, etc.) And I ask . . . how are any of us any different? TRACKBACK (55)		Your Words sillynun June 11, 2003 05:53 PM The funny thing about the illusion of control is that no matter how much control we think we have, we always want more. And also the more we think we have, the less we actually do have. Scott June 12, 2003 02:59 PM Excellent writing! I've never thought of our sites like this before, but I think you're onto something. Keep up the good work.